Let 2018 end…


The year 2018 is near it’s end.
And gladly say goodbye to it.
2018 has a lot happening to me, it made me feel sad.
This will be a massive rant, so fasten your seat belts!

My family has been plagued by various issues, mostly about inheritance of my late grandpa’s belongings.
A huge debate amongst my uncles over some material stuff, which put the family into “factions”.
The family is just torn and sets a bad mood wherever and whenever family members meet.
I don’t care about belongings, I care about people.
But this is the story of my dad, maybe more on that in another story.

Another issue in the family is with my brother.
He is married in a foreign country and has his own family now.
The problem is, he never contacts us unless he needs us to do something for them.
He never contacted mom once in these 2 years, not even when she was sick.
At the time his wife was pregnant, my mom asked her when the baby was expected, but no reply.
My parents only get to know when the baby was almost 2 weeks old.
And his excuse for all of this? “I am very busy.”
I just feel disappointed in my brother for being so cold.

2 of my best friends have been each other’s friends for a very long time now.
They share each other’s stories, their opinions, their troubles, gave each other advice, and on top of that tried to help one other.
It’s something I thought was true friendship.
But something happened between them, they had a fight and split up.
It’s heartbreaking to see my group of friends crumble and falling apart.

During the Summer, I lost my job.
A job I have been working at for over 4 years.
Got betrayed by the trainee which I had trained myself.

This year, we were plagued by various illness.
The year started with a very mean flu going on, nothing too bad.
My dad got a stroke.
My mom somehow got the chicken-pox at her age?
She also got a huge painful spot on her back, which got infected.
Luck to say nothing too bad happened and everyone recovered from all illnesses.

Last, but not least many people died.
Some of them were my heroes, like favorite authors, writers and directors of franchises I grew up with.
Others were people I knew.
But most saddening, a precious friend who took his own life.

A lot of negativity that has been building up throughout this year.
I am done with all this.
So goodbye 2018 and let’s hope for a better 2019, or rather a better future.

I wish you all the best for the rest of the Holidays,
the rest of 2018 and whatever future there is!

Thank you for reading.


Feeling betrayed


It has been a month since I have been fired from my job, the job which I have been working loyaly for 4 years.

During the time I worked there, I started the IT departement, optimized their IT structure and workflow.
Next to that I have run their webcampaign from concept to the point it is finished.

For the webproject, we had a trainee. He studied the same course I had, but didn’t seem to know a lot. As his mentor, I taught him all the things he needed to know about webdesign, guided him and gave him advise.
When his internship was over, I personally asked my boss if he could hire him to see this project to an end.

When the time came for this project to end, my boss sent me an email that I was fired because I was too expensive.
The trainee made a deal with him with me left in the dark.
Well, my boss didn’t have the nerve to tell me or at least give me call.

To be honest, I was ready to leave and hand this project over to the trainee anyways. I just didn’t expect such turns of events.
I just feel really dissappointed in both the trainee I taught and the man I have loyaly worked for.

This has been in my mind for a while, so I wanted to blow out some steam.
Thanks for reading.

Lesson with a price


It’s been a month my friend has passed away.
This month I have learned a lot about him.
Things that were always there, but I never really paid attention to.

He was a man with many talents, he was creative, artistic, dedicated, had great humor and on top of it a kind heart with helping hands.
He was the friend I had, but didn’t deserve.

It was a life lesson with a high cost, and you paid the price.
I won’t  forget to appreciate the people around myself.
And I will stop taking things for granted, because it might be too late before I even realize.

From now on I will try to keep my head up. The sadness is slowly going away and the good and fun memories are coming back.
Thank you for being my friend.
You will not be forgotten for who you are and what you did to make life less dull.

Rest in peace, big guy


At this moment I am overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts.
Today I received a message that a friend took his own life.
I am shocked, as I never expected this from him.
And I feel guilty for never noticing.

A while back, I wrote about parting ways with a friend.
He felt like the odd one and started to avoid the rest of the group.
Some while later, I tried to patch this up and contacted him.
Things seems positive as we started to hang out again.

One day he opened up to me about his depression,
he told me about recent events that lead to it.
As I listened, I told him that I’d like to be there for him,
he could come to me whenever he needed help or just someone to talk to.

Never would I have expected him to go without a word.
I should have noticed his depression was really bad when he opened up to me.
Now he just left while I did nothing to stop him.

I am sorry.

Rest in peace, big guy….

Trivial matters


Today I feel a little bit angry, a little bit sad, but mostly disappointed again.
Again have I been in a argument with my friends about some trivial matters.
It really hurts to have to argue about such simple things.

I hang out with a small group of friends, which I organize monthly meetings for.
They add a small contribution each time, so I don’t have to pay all the costs.
It’s been like that for almost 10 years.
Next to these meetings, we visit the cinema together, we play games, invite each other to our birthday parties and such.

One of the bigger arguments came because I asked everyone to cut their usage of their mobile phones and other smart devices.
It’s so they can focus on the people around them instead of playing games or texting other people.
This was during the start of the Pokémon Go craze.
It was a simple request, it’s not something mandatory.
Somehow people got offended because of this request and an argument started.
It seems like a game is more important than the people around us…

Recently another argument started, because I’ve started an initiative to chip in for a birthday present. I asked this for every birthday and people did for years, it’s nothing special at all.
Suddenly people started to complaint about how this feels like a mandatory thing,
like they are forced to pay for a present. And again an argument started for trivial things.
It’s is not mandatory, never been, it’s yet again a request. Everyone is free to say no and simply not pay for it.
In my opinion, a present is a way to show your appreciation for another,
not because people forced you to.
If you felt this way every time you bought someone a present, the present becomes meaningless. We could have been honest to each other from the start.

Ugh… I really don’t understand.
Why are such simple things so complicated?
I only ask for simple things, want everyone to be happy, honest and true to themselves.

I don’t know what to do anymore, I think I need a break.

Visitors from far away


Lately we’ve been having vistors. It’s my cousin from Hong Kong, and she brought a friend with her. Well, her friend is a little bit weird, but also kind of cute…

Anyways, it’s their first visit to the Netherlands.

We welcomed them and took them to visit Köln, including a meal and a visit to the Lindt Chocolatemuseum. It was fun.

It’s a shame the weekend was so short. I would love to keep them company during their visit.

Today was their last day staying here. The night before they asked me to join them on there trip on the next day, which is today.
I had to say no, because I have to go to work.
But this day I did something very impulsive, somthing I normaly wouldn’t. As I am not the type of person to do things without overthinking it.

At work I suddenly asked my boss if it’s ok to take the day off for that reason.
No way that would work out, but I had to try.
Somehow I got my boss’ blessing to go.

So today I went to a trip with them for their last day…
It’ll be a long time until we meet again, if ever… I bid you both farewell.
Today I feel kind of sad.

Things that can go wrong


Previously I wrote about trying out a new workflow using my mobile to write.
Well, it’s didn’t work out since my phone has been sent for repairs for the third time in meanwhile.
Each time it got different issues.

He’ll be sent out again tomorrow.
Hopefully this will be the last time for my current phone.